If i come over, it means nothing
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
