my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
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