She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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