I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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