I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
