If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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