ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
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I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
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Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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