so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
