he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
