also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
