M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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