yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
