just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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