you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
