He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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