lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize