dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
