Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
