Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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