Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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