What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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