i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
