you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
