She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
