so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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