I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
