i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
