I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
