Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
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picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
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Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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