Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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