On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
