I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
