I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I love you.
Bad choice
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