is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
