Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
