Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Someone came in the potted fern
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
