forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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