i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
