she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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