my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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