There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
