so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
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