woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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