there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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