ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
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I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
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But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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