i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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