Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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