He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
