took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
