careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
