Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
