Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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