I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
