I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
