If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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