In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
