You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
