fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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