Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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