It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
