I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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