Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i think i have two assholes
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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