There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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