M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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