my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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