We're like a lot better than the average bears
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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