Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the day after is always just damage control
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
