so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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