Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
