I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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