nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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