dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
