Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She bit a glass in half.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
