dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
