Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
