Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
