Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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