i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
