1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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