i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
