I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
