i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
