im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
